A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm.
"Get that pig out of here!" yelled the bartender.

"That's not a pig, stupid!" she replied, "That's a duck"
"I know" said the bartender, "I was talking to the duck"

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his testicles.
He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The Bartender replies with a smile, "Give him a treat and he'll let you."

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says,
"I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie."

The man says, "Okay, I'll be right back," and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie.

All he finds is a set of jump leads, so he ties them around his neck,
goes back in and asks, "How's this?"

The bartender replies, "Well, okay, but don't start anything."