An Irishman walks out of a bar.

Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

A sign over the men's toilet at the bar reads:
"We aim to please - you aim too please."

What's the difference between a Bartender and a toilet seat?
A toilet seat only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

A man walks into a bar waving a checkered flag.
The barman says I hope your not going to start something with with that.

A guy walks into a bar, he notices a sign behind the bar saying,
"Hamburger £2.50, Cheese Burger £3.50, Hand job £20."
He looks around and sees the Barmaid. He calls her over.
She's dressed in a short, low cut skirt, so small it almost doesn't cover her.
He asks her if that sign is true.
She says, "Yes I personally deliver everything on that list."
She gives him a wink.
He says, "OK, can you wash your hands and get me a cheese burger"